Biscuit Flavors, Reviewed By Iris the Dog

Aug 29, 2018

Last month, my friend Jasmine kicked off our “Dog’s Eye View” blogs by giving most excellent advice to dog owners about how to properly belly rub. If you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right, you know?

Anyway, this month is mine and since I’m a little less touchy-feely and a little more chew and eat-y, I thought I’d share my thoughts on the various flavors of biscuits in today’s crowded dog treat market.

The Biscuit Rating Scale

To help you scan this article if you’re in a hurry to pick the right biscuit, I’ve developed a simple biscuit rating scale. It goes from 1 (I would probably eat this if there wasn’t anything else around to eat) to 5 (why do we need to pay the house payment when we could just buy all of these biscuits?). My mom is very insistent that I stick mostly to hard treats, something about my glorious teeth. My oral health is pretty amazing, don’t get me wrong, so she may be on to something.

Ready? Here we go!

1/5 Charcoal. I have a love/hate relationship with the charcoal biscuits. Sometimes I really dig them — I mean, they taste just like I imagine a bonfire would taste, very earthy and smokey. But then again, they’re just ok, so I’m not going to go out of my way to eat them.

4/5 Liver. When it comes to meat flavors, liver is definitely my go-to. I mean, if you’re gonna have a biscuit, why not have the best? I understand that liver is a delicacy for some humans and I definitely support their findings.

2/5 Banana and Berries. This particular combination is completely uninteresting. It’s weird, because my dog friends seem to be all in on them. I really just kind of don’t like them at all. They’re gross. It’s the combination, it has to be. Bananas = GOOD! Berries = GOOD! Bananas and berries = GROSS!

3/5 Beef. Meh. I could take a beef flavored biscuit or leave it. Sometimes I’m in the mood and I snarff them down, but usually, I just look pathetic until mom finds me one that’s higher on my list.

5/5 Peanut Butter. Look, I don’t have a problem. I just really like these biscuits. The healthy peanut butter and delicious peanut butter is so peanut buttery. I peanut butter peanut butter. Peanut butter. *salivates*

3/5 Chicken. Chicken doesn’t get a top mark from me, but that’s just me. I grew up eating so many of these that they’re just sort of old hat. Now, if you have a chicken and something else, like, say, cheese or fruit, I’ll happily swallow that without chewing.

3/5 Cheese. Mom gets cheese-flavored biscuits that look like Cheez-Its, or so she says. They’re not my favorite-favorite, but they’re pretty good. It’s bright orange cheese, but hey, cheese is cheese, right? Once in a while, I’m just not in the mood for this ish, but mostly, they’re pretty ok. Recommended for boring dogs.

4/5 Apple. I don’t even eat these because they taste good, I can’t get past the way they smell! Mom says opening the bag is almost as good as taking an apple pie out of the oven. I say they smell amazing and also taste pretty good. They’re definitely high on my list of favorites.

A Few Biscuit Flavors That Should Be a Thing

Now that we’ve covered most of the most important biscuit flavors, I challenge biscuit manufacturers to adopt some new flavors that dogs all over would adore. This is my list of top five wants:

  • Pineapple. What’s the deal, guys? You can make blueberry, apple, banana and berries (YUCK!), but no pineapple biscuits? You’re really missing an opportunity here.
  • Cheesecake. Of all the things I smell my human family eating, I’m pretty sure the smell of cheesecake is the one that haunts me most. I want to eat this. They say no, that it’ll make me sick. It’s a major source of tension in my home.
  • Almond Roca. If you don’t know what this is,Biscuit Guys, go get some and report back. Mom lets me have a little end bit now and then, but she says there’s too much sugar for anyone to eat very many very often. I bet I could get her to give me almond roca biscuits every day, though.
  • Grass. There’s nothing like young, tender grass on a dewy morning. The flavor is a bit earthy and sometimes I eat a few ants I wasn’t planning for, but what can you do? Do you think you could make me an ant-free biscuit?

My jerk friend Annie wanted me to add one for her, so I guess I will. She’s kind of weird, but she has spots like mine, I think that means we’re related. I’m not sure how that works.

Anyway, Annie says there should be a “June bug” flavored biscuit. She does love those things a lot. When she finds one in the yard, she immediately runs into the house, drops it on the bedroom floor and rolls around on it. When she’s done, she eats it. Extra protein?

Hounds Town Doesn’t Upcharge for Biscuits or Belly Rubs

Did you hear that the Hounds Town in Bergen County was already open? All my friends are there! It’s the best!

After a long day with my playgroup at Hounds Town Bergen County, there’s nothing better than going home and having some great biscuits. Of course, the friendly staff gives pretty good treats and belly rubs, too. Mom says they’re always free, but I would happily let her pay for them.

Go ahead, give the Hounds Town doggie daycare a call at (973) 773-DOGS or go to their website for more information about getting started. Oh, and while you’re here, why not share your dog’s favorite biscuit flavors? I’m making a shopping list.